Ce se intampla in cuplu, cand unul dintre parteneri intampina o afectiune cronica?

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Descoperirea unui nou tratament,  oferă ajutor pentru orice cuplu.

Dacă ați avut vreodata o durere cronica, știți cum aceasta poate afecta relațiile pe care le aveti. Indiferent dacă este un dinte infectat, o durere de cap sau orice altceva, nu suntem cei mai buni la relația cu cei din jurul nostru.

Pentru cei care se confruntă cu dureri cronice,  relatia de cuplu poate fi sever afectata. Ambii parteneri au tendința de a suferi, deoarece durerea se afla in prim plan, aslatand si alte parti ale vietii.

Bazat pe stduii recente, cele mai comune afectiuni pe care le intampina un cuplu, sunt:

  • Stresul

Durerea cronică necesită adesea vizite medicale frecvente, sau un partener care trebuie să însoțească persoana la întâlniri. Durerea cauzată de stress  poate, de asemenea, obliga o persoană să înceteze să mai muncească, creând dificultăți financiare și solicitând unui soț să-și asume o muncă suplimentară.

  • Partener cu dizabilitati

Satisfacția maritală tinde să scadă în momentul în care un partener se confruntă cu dizabilități; Ambii parteneri sunt mai predispuși la depresie atunci când un partener are dureri cronice.

  • Modele de comunicare rigide

Durerea cronică poate determina cuplurile să interacționeze în moduri care lăsă ambii parteneri să se simtă nemulțumiți. De exemplu, un soț poate simți că partenerul său vorbește doar despre durerea lui, în timp ce persoana care sufera poate simți ca partenerul său nu ii da importanta emotiilor lui. Tipurile de comunicare rigide pot adânci nemulțumirea relațiilor.

Mai mult, conflictul unui cuplu poate să duca la încetarea  tratamentul pentru durere, ceea ce duce la abandonare. Astfel, un program care îți îmbunătățește relația poate duce la rezultate mai bune.

Deoarece ambele jumătăți ale unui cuplu sunt afectate de durerea cronică, este logic să fie inclusi ambii parteneri in tratament.  O echipă de cercetători de la Universitatea Wayne State University a făcut recent acest lucru, dezvoltând un program de tratament , numit Mindful Living and Relating (MLM).

Programul își propune să sporească flexibilitatea psihologică (abilitatea fiecărei persoane de a acționa cu o mai mare flexibilitate), precum și flexibilitatea relațională (ruperea modelelor nefolositoare de interacțiune cu partenerul).

Deși programul a fost testat pe un grup de cupluri care se confrunta cu afectiuni cornice, principiile tratamentului se aplica oricarui cuplu in care un partener sufera de vreo afectiune.

  • Tinerea de mână – Acest exercițiu simplu și intim implică concentrarea asupra senzațiilor de a ține mâna celeilalte persoane
  • Meditația iubirii

Fiecare persoană doreste in tacere, ca ea si paretenerul sau sa experimemnteze “bunatatea, compasiunea si libertatea.”

  • Ascultă si tine minte

Soții au vorbit despre o experiență emoțională pozitivă pe care au avut-o; partenerul a canalizat toata atentia catre vorbitor. Mai tarziu, au vorbit despre o experienta emotional negativa.  Acest exercițiu s-a bazat pe atentie si, de asemenea, a implicat o respirație conștientă înainte de a răspunde, sporind astfel capacitatea lor de a răspunde cu compasiune.

Aceste exerciții s-au dovedit a fi foarte eficiente pentru cuplurile în care un partener se simte adesea invalidat, iar celălalt se luptă pentru a oferi o empatie continuă. De asemenea, au ajutat cuplurile sa nu evite conversațiile dificile din punct de vedere emoțional.

Astfel, cealaltă jumătate a tratamentului sa axat pe “acțiunile bazate pe valori” pentru a cultiva în mod deliberat o viață bogată și plină de sensuri. Tratamentul a inclus:

  1. Identificarea valorilor

Fiecare cuplu a scris ceea ce ar dori ca partenerul lor să spună despre ei la celebrarea aniversării după 10 ani și apoi a discutat despre răspunsurile lor cu partenerul.

  1. Evaluarea potrivirii între valori și acțiuni

Exercițiile ulterioare au ajutat cuplurile să-și clarifice valorile și să evalueze dacă trăiau în conformitate cu acestea. De exemplu, dacă s-au angajat în activități care le aduce bucurie și un sens? Doreste sa fie un partener iubitor și de sprijin? Prin discuții între ele, cuplurile au identificat zonele cu cel mai mare decalaj între valorile si comportamentele lor.

  1. Un pas final pentru cupluri a fost sa le invite pe acestea sa stabilească “obiective concrete, specifice care să le aducă mai aproape de a trăi aceste valori”.

Cu alte cuvinte, MLR a crescut abilitatea de a trăi viața dorită, chiar și în timp ce se confrunta cu dureri cronice.

 

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